My Mom and I recently had an afternoon out with the boys doing some shopping at the Made By Hand Show. After we were done there my Mom innocently suggested we head over to The British Isles show that was going on at the same building. “Sure, why not” I thought. The boys were behaving and I knew that Mom really wanted to pop in. What I didn’t expect is what else I would find at the show… tears.
As soon as we entered The British Isles show we were greeted with all things Irish, Scottish and English. From the delicious smell of sausages to the upbeat music that just wants to make you dance. All was well for about the first 3 minutes we were at the show. Then as we were walking we passed by a group of Scottish seniors who were chatting – and in that moment I was transported back – one Gentleman sound just like my Grandpa B who passed away suddenly 6 years ago. I immediately looked to see where this voice was coming from, I knew it was not Grandpa but the instinct and déjà vu was so strong I had to see who was talking. And that is when I started to lose it – tears started to creep in. I don’t know where they came from, but suddenly the loss of my Grandfather felt as raw as the day we found out he passed away. I could not look at my Mom or my boys, the last thing I needed was for my 3 yr old to start asking “Mommy why are you crying?”. I am sure I looked crazy enough as is with tears in my eyes standing between the booths selling flags and t-shirts with sayings like “I can’t keep calm I’m Scottish”.
All I knew was that I need to move, away from there. I needed a distraction before I ended up in outright sobs. I could see the Irish dancing demonstration taking place on the main stage – perfect a distraction so I thought. Pushing the stroller through the crowds I headed right for it, leaving Mom behind to catch up. But the distraction didn’t really help, standing there with the boys watching adorable little girls dance I was fighting a losing battle with the tears. The apple does not fall far from the tree, and I noticed that my Mom also had tears in her eyes. Great… 2 emotional ladies crying at the British Isles show…
I managed to rummage around in the diaper bag to find a tissue to wipe them away. Monkey noticed my strange behavior and gave me a puzzled look, but was distracted enough by the dancing and the music that he did not press the issue. It is hard knowing that Grandpa B never had the chance to meet his Great-grandchildren, he loved kids so much. I know that Mom was thinking about the same thing, the milestones he had missed since he passed away and how much we all wanted to hear his laugh. That laugh could fill up a room.
Time seemed to be passing slowly as I fought to regain my composure, it took a few minutes before I was able to speak without the threat of outright sobs coming out. It is not often that I have been caught off guard by the wave of emotions grief brings, but this time it got me hook, line and sinker.
Time may pass, and makes it easier to cope with loss, but you never know when grief is going to catch up to you and sweep you off your feet. So of course I turned to the classic comfort – Food. We picked up sausages, scones and empire cookies and the next weekend had a breakfast that would have made Grandpa proud.
Grandpa – XOXOX miss you more!