The road to become parents is different for everyone. While some people are able to create the family easily, others are not so lucky. I wanted to share a story with you about the many paths that may be taken to create the “perfect” family.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom and LOVE children, but finding Mr. Right took more time than I thought it would. As a result, I was in my mid-thirties when we finally met. I figured that the hard part was over and now it was onto having lots of kiddies.
A few months later I was blessed again…and lost that baby too. Then again 3 months later. That news came on my 40th birthday. Total devastation set in, and recognizing that my chances for children were quickly slipping away we opted for fertility assistance.
Numerous invasive (and painful) tests showed everything was functioning properly and doctors were convinced a viable pregnancy was in our immediate future. I did everything possible to help our chances; dietary changes, yoga, meditation, prayer, energy work…you name it and I did it. But a year later there was still no pregnancy. After spending in excess of $20,000 we were out of money and no closer to realizing our dream of having a family. With sad hearts we gave up having a child of our own.
During this time we also plunged ahead into the world of adoption, which in itself is also a very complicated and emotionally charged process. There’s a reason its not recommended to do fertility and adoption at the same time – it can be completely and totally overwhelming.
But we continued on knowing that time was not our friend. We soon decided that adopting children in Ontario was the best option for us. We then spent 4 years going through the adoption process and searching for the right match. But due to a long laundry list of what appeared to be insurmountable issues, we weren’t being matched with children whose needs weren’t beyond our abilities.
The next part of my story was the hardest. Trying to make peace with what was not to be.
Having spent my entire life loving children and wanting to be a mom, trying to accept that no matter what we did it wouldn’t happen- well I just couldn’t work that through in my mind or in my heart. I even tried counseling and online groups, but there is very little out there for women who are childless not by choice. Personally everyone I knew either eventually ended up with children, or never wanted any in the first place. I had no one to turn to for help work through this pain. I felt alone.
We quit all processes and even let some paperwork expire, and took things one day at a time hoping that the pain would eventually ease. Then out of the blue our blessing came – the call that we were being considered for an adoption. We were recently matched with a beautiful, smart, funny creative seven year old little girl. She brings sooo much to our lives, and every moment is amazing – even the ones when I want to pull my hair out. We couldn’t be happier. And with all we’ve been through I greatly cherish every moment we have together.
It was a long road for Barb, but I am thrilled that her dream of becoming a mother has finally come true. There are many ways to create a family and Conceivable Dreams is working to help Ontario families get affordable access to infertility treatments. This year they will also be hosting their first ever Conceivable Dreams Picnic in Toronto on September 15th. All families touched by infertility are welcome to come out for a fun filled day at Earl Bales Park. Activities for the kids will include a face painting, bouncy castle, visit from a Fire Truck and more! Adults can join in on a yoga session or show their strength at tug of war. Join Conceivable Dreams for a fun day, raise awareness and meet other families touched by infertility. Visit the website for more details and to RSVP.